Guess What’s in My Mouth Right Now

The worst thing about getting The Brent Scowcroft Treatment is when Brent Scowcroft is giving it to you, he yells, “You’re gettin’ The Brent Scowcroft Treatment!  You’re gettin’ The Brent SCOwcroft Treatment!”

GWiMMRN:

A)  Brent Scowcroft.

B)  The Brent Scowcroft Treatment.

C)  Brent Scowcroft’s op-ed piece.

D)  Brent Scowcroft’s big, fat cock.

I just almost sneezed so hard that my jizz fell out.

Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  Soy salami and spicey cheese sandwich sandwich.

B)  Multiple multipliers.

C)  An official Hard Rock Cafe: Guantanamo Bay t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off.

D)  Obama’s Totally Excellent Adventure.

E)  A horse, a horse a kingdom for big floppy horse nuts.

F)  An extra pocket in my pants for my penis.

G)  A big, fat cock wrapped around Selena’s dead corpse.

MY PENIS IS SALVATION WRAPPED IN FLESH

MY PENIS IS THE PENISIFICATION OF QUID PRO QUO

MY PENIS SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER

MY PENIS IS YOUR SANTA CLAUS

BAILOUT MY BALLS

MY PENIS IS CANDIDATE NUMBER ONE

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

I’ve never left.

GWiMMRN:

A)  Bacon donuts.

B)  Bacon Doughnuts.

C)  Bacon balls nuts.

D)  The FACT that bacon donuts are produced from the sweaty underside of Satan’s balls.  And remember, it is VERY VERY HOT in Hell and Satan sweats A LOT.

E)  A big fact cock with a bacon doughnut on top.

MY PENIS EVOKES EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE WILLY-NILLY

MY PENIS WAS A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER

MY PENIS EXPRESSES HIS CONDOLENCES FOR YOUR WIFE’S STRETCHED-OUT SNATCH

MY PENIS WILL ROLL YOU IN FLOUR AND LOOK FOR THE WET SPOT

MY PENIS WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PRESIDENTIAL PARDON

CHANGE HAS COME TO MY PENIS

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

MY PENIS FETCHED A RECORD PRICE AT SOTHEBY’S

MY PENIS APPEALS TO A BROAD SWATH OF AMERICANS

SARAH PALIN PUT MY PENIS ON SALE AT EBAY

THE BRIDGE TO NOWHERE LEADS DIRECTLY TO MY BALLS

MY PENIS WILL HAVE HIS DAY IN COURT

YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME ENDS AT THE BASE OF MY PENIS

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

My Mouth is seeing double!  Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  Two big breasts.

B)  Two toungues for the price of one.

C)  Two tickets for a broadway show.

D)  Too old, too old to begin the training.

E)  Carpet fumes from two new carpets.

F)  Two big, fat cocks comin’ right at ya.

MY PENIS IS LIVING HISTORY.

MY PENIS WILL TAKE YOU DOWN A PEG.

MY PENIS REFUSES YOUR REQUEST FOR A SERIES OF TOWN-HALL DEBATES.

MY PENIS IS FOUR MORE YEARS OF THE SAME.

MY PENIS PUTS A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

MY PENIS WILL SHOOT HIS CATEOGRY 5 LOAD ALL OVER YOUR HOMETOWN.

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.

MY PENIS IS THE GLOBAL LEADER IN FOREIGN DIRECT INVESTMENTS INTO YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S SNATCH

MY PENIS IS BURSTING WITH HONEY

MY PENIS IS NOT HAPPY WITH HIS SPEAKING ROLE AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

MY PENIS LIVES FOR THE MOMENT

YOU WILL FIND THAT MY PENIS IS FULL OF SURPRISES

MY PENIS IS 90% PERSPERATION, 10% ROCK HARD DIAMOND

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

I NEVER get tired of the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill debate.  I talk about it all day and all night to people I meet on the street whose feet are too slow to flee.  The following are snippppets of the unvarnished testimony given to Senator “Dong Slapper” Biden and his colleagues at the Senate Judiciary Committee back in 199whatever.

A)  Anita Hill: “He would put cuffs on me, tie up my hair and yell Proust quotations at me until I fell asleep with his dick in my mouth.”

B)  Clarence Thomas: “I slapped her ass so many times my hand would get tired, Senator.  DOG TIRED.”

C)  Anita Hill: “He said that he would allow me to file an amicus brief before the Supreme Court someday if only I would strip down into my Underoos and do jumping jacks while he fellated the neighbor’s weiner-dog.  I did not believe him then and I do not believe him now that he would be able to do what he said he would do for me.”

D)  Clarence Thomas: “I did ask her on occasion to call me Long Dong Silver.  That part is true, gentlemen.  And ladies.  Sorry.  Didn’t mean to be gender discriminatory with my speech, there.”

E)  Anita Hill:  “When I was in his office, he would watch the Lone Ranger and masturbate until Tonto came on.  Then, he would stop.  I don’t know why.  I think its because he hated Indians.”

F)  Clarence Thomas: “My hand STILL hurts from slapping her ass.  Here, Senator Biden.  Smell my hand.  It still smells like Anita Hill’s ass.”

G)  A big, fat lying cock.

It’s leaked, it’s out and it’s in my mouth right now.  Guess what it is.

This is a command, not an option.  I’m not doing this for your personal benefit.

A)  Rhiad and the Bedouins sorta sucks.

B)  If the World sucks.

C)  IRS kinda sucks.

D)  Leave Me Alone blows.

E)  Chinese Democracy blows monkey chunks.

F)  A big, fat Axl cock down the throat of his fans.

Have you heard the one about the gynecologist and the trampoline saleswoman? 

GwimMMrN:

A)  A dusty box full of blood-drained human body parts.

B)  Toilet necessities.

C)  Sunshine blown so far up my ass that my sneezes glow in the dark.

D)  The one about the gynecologist and the trampoline saleswoman.

E)  A big, fat history-in-the-making cock.

MY PENIS CLINCHES THE NOMINATION.

MY PENIS ROCKED CHINA.

MY PENIS CONTRIBUTES: HOW ABOUT YOU?

MY PENIS IS YOUR PLOUGHMAN’S LUNCH.

AMERICA LOVES MY PENIS.

MY PENIS LOVES YOU, BUT IS NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU.

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.

What are you waiting for?  Guess!

A)  Blue light.

B)  Baby mice.

C)  Two demented, wasted, spoiled youths who must’ve spent the previous hour beating up on each other, by the looks of it.

D)  DISTURBING VIDEO.

E)  Amy WineMouse’s fucked up big fat cock.

The following shipment of United Nations goodies to Myanmar, AKA BURMA, has recently entered my mouth.  Guess what’s in there right now:

A)  Fuck-me pumps for the hot chicks without food, water, or shelter in Myanmar.

B)  Crackers, really salty crackers.

C)  10,000 can-openers but no cans.

D)  A lifeboat with a hole in the bottom.

E)  Condoms.

F)  Souvenirs from the United Nations gift shop.

G)  One free ticket out of Myanmar scotch-taped to the underside of Ban Ki-moon’s cock. 

H)  A big, fat cyclone cock.