Guess What’s in My Mouth Right Now

MY PENIS IS JAMMED IN YOUR PRINTER HOLE

MY PENIS IS MISTLETOE FOR MY BALLS

IF YOU ARE HITCHHIKING, MY PENIS HAS ONLY ONE OPTION: ASS

WIKILEAKS ERUPTS FROM MY PENIS

MY PENIS IS THE LAST STRAW

MY PENIS KILLED THE KENNEDYS

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

Th-th-th-th-thuh-thuh-the Kuh-kuh-kkkk-k-k-k-k-k-k–k-ki-ki-kingsspeech wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wa-wah-wah-was a guh-guh-guh-gg-g-g-g-gggg-great fuh-fuh-fuh-fuhi=fiiii-fuh-fuh-film.  I-ui-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-iiiiiiiii-i wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-was th-th-th-th-though-thouroughlyentertained.  I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i wuh-wuh-wiii-wish ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-ih-it -wuh-wuh-wuh-wa-wah-wah-was muh-muih-muh-muh-m-m-mmmm-me wh-wh-wh-who who who who who who guh-guh-guh-guh gothelp.

Oooooh!  That Ricky Gervais rilly ZINGED ‘em at the Golden Fucking Globes the other night, didn’t he?  OoooOOOoooh!  That’s something we all rilly need to pay attention to, considering our worthless fucking lives are going to hell in a handbasket anyway, right?

NO.  GWIMMRN.

A)  Ricky Gervais’ slackjawed pompous-ass accent

B)  The Hollywood elite’s Tweet.

C)  Gloria Estefan’s Letter of DISinvitation to the Golden Globes, considering what happened last time she was invited and showed up and all.

D)  Taint Tweets from the Barber of Fleet Street.

E)  Nothing at all.

F)  Your comeuppance.

G)  A big, fat I DON’T GIVE A RAT FUCK ABOUT RICKY GERVAIS AND THE GOLDEN GLOBES OR PIERS MORGAN OR ANY OF THOSE FUCKTWATS WHO SPEW THEIR POPCULTURE SPOOGE ALL OVER YOUR ATTENTION SPANS cock.

MY PENIS PERFORMED ADMIRABLY

MY PENIS HAS A HOLE IN THE RIGHT PLACE

MY PENIS SEES A U.N. CONSPIRACY IN DENVER

MY PENIS DOES NOT CARE WHERE THE MOSQUE WILL BE BUILT

MY PENIS TALLY HO

MY PENIS IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

MY PENIS IS ALL THE HEALTH CARE REFORM YOU NEED

MY PENIS BRINGS MORE PEACE TO THE MIDDLE EAST THAN TWO JIMMY CARTERS PUT TOGETHER

MY LEFT NUT

MY PENIS IS CHAIR OF FORMER GOVERNOR PALIN’S DEATH PANELS

MY PENIS HIP HIP HOORAY

MY PENIS WILL NOT BE RECALLED

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

Remember when GWiMMRN had editions, like it was some news magazine or something?  Well, those days are back.

Guess what’s in my mouth, right now:

A)  The hot chocolate with lil’ chunks of prunes in it that I had before coming to work this morning.

B)  The intense urge to defecate afterwards, especialyl considering that I’m lactose intolerant, somewhat.

C)  The hot chocolate and prunes that slid out of my bunghole in the office bathroom, along with what I had for dinner last night, which was beans and cheese.

D)  The “no wonder you had the shits” you’re probably thinking right now.

E)  That one time in college I came back to my dorm collective bathroom and had to throw up something fierce at oh, around 2:30 a.m. and the guy in the stall next to me who was trying to convince me that having the shits like he had was much worse than throwing up because you’re drunk.

F)  That, to this day, I still don’t think he’s right.

G)  All the things I think but never do.

The worst thing about getting The Brent Scowcroft Treatment is when Brent Scowcroft is giving it to you, he yells, “You’re gettin’ The Brent Scowcroft Treatment!  You’re gettin’ The Brent SCOwcroft Treatment!”

GWiMMRN:

A)  Brent Scowcroft.

B)  The Brent Scowcroft Treatment.

C)  Brent Scowcroft’s op-ed piece.

D)  Brent Scowcroft’s big, fat cock.

I just almost sneezed so hard that my jizz fell out.

Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  Soy salami and spicey cheese sandwich sandwich.

B)  Multiple multipliers.

C)  An official Hard Rock Cafe: Guantanamo Bay t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off.

D)  Obama’s Totally Excellent Adventure.

E)  A horse, a horse a kingdom for big floppy horse nuts.

F)  An extra pocket in my pants for my penis.

G)  A big, fat cock wrapped around Selena’s dead corpse.

MY PENIS IS SALVATION WRAPPED IN FLESH

MY PENIS IS THE PENISIFICATION OF QUID PRO QUO

MY PENIS SPEAKS TRUTH TO POWER

MY PENIS IS YOUR SANTA CLAUS

BAILOUT MY BALLS

MY PENIS IS CANDIDATE NUMBER ONE

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

I’ve never left.

GWiMMRN:

A)  Bacon donuts.

B)  Bacon Doughnuts.

C)  Bacon balls nuts.

D)  The FACT that bacon donuts are produced from the sweaty underside of Satan’s balls.  And remember, it is VERY VERY HOT in Hell and Satan sweats A LOT.

E)  A big fact cock with a bacon doughnut on top.

MY PENIS EVOKES EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE WILLY-NILLY

MY PENIS WAS A COMMUNITY ORGANIZER

MY PENIS EXPRESSES HIS CONDOLENCES FOR YOUR WIFE’S STRETCHED-OUT SNATCH

MY PENIS WILL ROLL YOU IN FLOUR AND LOOK FOR THE WET SPOT

MY PENIS WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PRESIDENTIAL PARDON

CHANGE HAS COME TO MY PENIS

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

MY PENIS FETCHED A RECORD PRICE AT SOTHEBY’S

MY PENIS APPEALS TO A BROAD SWATH OF AMERICANS

SARAH PALIN PUT MY PENIS ON SALE AT EBAY

THE BRIDGE TO NOWHERE LEADS DIRECTLY TO MY BALLS

MY PENIS WILL HAVE HIS DAY IN COURT

YOUR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME ENDS AT THE BASE OF MY PENIS

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

My Mouth is seeing double!  Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  Two big breasts.

B)  Two toungues for the price of one.

C)  Two tickets for a broadway show.

D)  Too old, too old to begin the training.

E)  Carpet fumes from two new carpets.

F)  Two big, fat cocks comin’ right at ya.

MY PENIS IS LIVING HISTORY.

MY PENIS WILL TAKE YOU DOWN A PEG.

MY PENIS REFUSES YOUR REQUEST FOR A SERIES OF TOWN-HALL DEBATES.

MY PENIS IS FOUR MORE YEARS OF THE SAME.

MY PENIS PUTS A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

MY PENIS WILL SHOOT HIS CATEOGRY 5 LOAD ALL OVER YOUR HOMETOWN.

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.

MY PENIS IS THE GLOBAL LEADER IN FOREIGN DIRECT INVESTMENTS INTO YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S SNATCH

MY PENIS IS BURSTING WITH HONEY

MY PENIS IS NOT HAPPY WITH HIS SPEAKING ROLE AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION

MY PENIS LIVES FOR THE MOMENT

YOU WILL FIND THAT MY PENIS IS FULL OF SURPRISES

MY PENIS IS 90% PERSPERATION, 10% ROCK HARD DIAMOND

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY