Archive for the MOUNTAIN OF CRAP Category

Jan 28 2009

The Brent Scowcroft Treatment

Posted by: My Mouth in BIG FAT COCK, GROW UP, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

The worst thing about getting The Brent Scowcroft Treatment is when Brent Scowcroft is giving it to you, he yells, “You’re gettin’ The Brent Scowcroft Treatment!  You’re gettin’ The Brent SCOwcroft Treatment!”

GWiMMRN:

A)  Brent Scowcroft.

B)  The Brent Scowcroft Treatment.

C)  Brent Scowcroft’s op-ed piece.

D)  Brent Scowcroft’s big, fat cock.

Comments Comments Off

Jun 22 2008

Chinese Democracy Sucks the Big One

Posted by: My Mouth in BIG FAT COCK, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

It’s leaked, it’s out and it’s in my mouth right now.  Guess what it is.

This is a command, not an option.  I’m not doing this for your personal benefit.

A)  Rhiad and the Bedouins sorta sucks.

B)  If the World sucks.

C)  IRS kinda sucks.

D)  Leave Me Alone blows.

E)  Chinese Democracy blows monkey chunks.

F)  A big, fat Axl cock down the throat of his fans.

Comments 3 Comments »

Apr 07 2008

GWiMMRN, A Quick Jerk In-Between Chores Edition

Posted by: My Mouth in GROW UP, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

Got a minute?

GWiMMRN:

A)  A spooge-tastic delicacy.

B)  A shit-canned shit-hole.

C)  The Feces of the President of the Ewenited States of America.

D)  The hair on your keyboard. 

E)  The U.S.S. Jerk-Off Queen.

F)  The pig that fell from the balcony of an apartment building and killed a guy.

G)  A big, fat monster cock jam.

Comments 1 Comment »

Mar 25 2008

GWiMMRN, I’ll Pay You When I Feel Like It Edition

Posted by: My Mouth in BIG FAT COCK, FOCUS YOU FUCKCHOPS, GROW UP, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

And if you don’t like that, you can SUCK.  MY.  DICK.

 *pause*

BLAM!

GwimmRN:

A)  A caramel covered rice cake that was as delicious as a buttermilk fart sandwich (Heather Mills’ ass cheeks are the “bread” to the buttermilk fart sandwich, doncha know).

B)  Transaction fees.

C)  50 ants writhing and dying in a lil’ plate of honey.

D)  *crunch* *crunch* this is good honey what’s in it *crunch* *blorrrp*

E)  Things never to say to people whom you owe money who may be carrying a gun and who may have been drinking all night.

F)  Frank Discussion, P.I.

G)  A big.  Fat.  Cock.  BLAM!

Comments 1 Comment »

Feb 28 2008

GWiMMRN Is a Real Kick to the Gonads

Posted by: My Mouth in MOUNTAIN OF CRAP, Mouth Junior

*tttthhhTTTHHHWWWOOPPPPPP!*

*OOOOOOOO!* My gonads!

GWiMMRN:

A)  Beverly D’angelo’s old blonde pubes.

B)  Beeping from some unknown place, but somewhere nearby.

C)  The sudden cessation of the beeping.

D)  Crotch kick.

E)  High-pitched screaming and urinating all at the same time.

F)  More beeping, accompanied by a vibrating noise.

G)  A big fat cock kick.

UPDATE:  The answer may now be H) The entire run of McHale’s Navy, of which I watched every episode but can’t remember a single one of them in particular.

Comments 6 Comments »

Feb 21 2008

GWiMMRN, Mountain of Crap Edition

Posted by: My Mouth in GROW UP, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

Folks, there’s no time like the present… toguesswhat’sinmymouthrightnow!  You know why, folks?  I’ll tell ya.  Because I’m forehead-deep in a Mountain of Crap.  That’s right.  There’s so much going on right now, I don’t even have time to chew watermellon bubilisious. 

So, get your toilet-paper Sherpas and climb the Mountain of Crap.  GWiMMRN:

A)  LOLA.

B)  Dimlah Tea that’s too hot to drink.

C)  The mistake of deciding to live with room-mates who are not your family and who feel like they own the joint and can do whatever the fuck they want.

D)  Colic!

E)  Martyrdom.

F)  My old job, re-purposed as a new one, like a shot-rag re-purposed as an ascot.

G)  More work than you can shake a stick at.

H)  The Big Fat Cock of Life.

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  • About Me


    I'm into cooking. Here's my recipe for Hot Dog Cake: 12 Hot dogs, thoroughly boiled. 1 lb. sugar. 14 Hand-made hot dog buns. 2 gallons of store-brand mustard. Mix half the sugar and all of the hot dogs together in a large mixing bowl. Beat off regularly until creamy. Then, for the icing, mix the mustard and the rest of the sugar until spoon can stand up straight in the bowl. Bake the hot dog mixture at 375 degrees F for 45 minutes. Place on a big rack. Let it cool until all the juices run down the big rack. Slather the "icing" on the cake. Make oblong slices of cake and place into the hand made hot dog buns. Eat. Puke. Repeat.

  • Statements of Approval


    "It's like the Drudge Report for mouths!" --Professor M. Balls

    "This website is relentless." --Anonymous

    "Grimace is everywhere hamburgers are made, slopping on his purply gunk where you least expect it." --Anonymous

    "yay, man-custard." --lola

    "Sss-ssss-stuh-stuh-stuh-sstop muh-mmm-muhhh-mak-making fuh-fuh-ffff-fun uh-uh-uh-of mmm-muh-mee. Y-yyy-yoou duh-duh-duhh-dick." --Muh-muh-muh-ham-ham-ham-ad-ad A-a-a-a-llll-li

    "I demand to be reunited with my penis! This is an OUTRAGE!" --Chaff, the Bouncy Foreskin

    "tweet tweet tweet" --All the little birdies eating the big pieces in your vomit

    "I am .....relieved ...that you are capable of ....various levels of communication. Impressive communication." --Michele ungh ungh ungh

    "If you think my SMILE is wrinkly, you should see my TWAT! Have you seen it? It's like Wrinkle City down there! TOUCHDOWN!!" --Kate Capshaw

    "*blorp* Shark! Shark!" --Gormless-looking Asian broad

    "My sphincter and colon are HEROES and will receive a Brown Star for their efforts." --My Mouth

    "Four score and seven what the hell is this on my FACE!?!" --"Honest Abe" Lincoln

    "STOP IT STOP IT I PREFER BUTTERSCOTCH ICE CREAM STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" --Sheppy

    "I GOT YOUR LATE FEES RIGHT HEEEERRRE!!" *sppppuurrrtttt!* "BWAH HAH HA HAH HA HA HAAAA!" --Guy with His Dick in the Video Return Slot

    "Grow up." ... "Oh yeah. I forgot to add: go suck a dick. Sorry for leaving that out."--Deroy Murdock

    "I've seen ugly cunts in my time, but yours takes the CAKE, lady! Holy fuck! If I look at it any longer I'll turn to stone! It's like the Holocaust in there! Aaaaaaa!! I think I can help you." --Dr. Alter to a Potential Labia Majora Remodeling Patient

    "My ass crack demands an explanation for this heinous attack on my spongy person." *fffrrrpppttt* "Yes. I know. I'm dead and I'm farting. Big Deal. Get over it. GROW UP." --Dead Guy

    "I'm kind of disappointed that cats don't like to eat dog shit. The lack of reciprocity there is pretty hurtful, you know?" --A. Dog

    "I don't think you should share any of that delisious watermellon bubilisious (sic) with any of your friends. I really feel that way." --Anonymous

    "It's okay, Mr. Costner, it happens- hey! What are you doing? Let go of your penis RIGHT NOW! You stop tugging on it THIS MINUTE! Oh! Oh, LORD. Look at that MESS. :)..." --Horrified Masseuse

    "I think it was the blood in the ejaculate that crossed the line... I take that back. It was the 6 dollar chili cheese burger that did it. It's indescribably awful looking. It really does look like loose poop with some mustard on it." --Anonymous

    "I will show you [the foam rubber universe where no one ever gets hurt], but you have to suck the butterscotch ice cream out of my dick first. Think of it like it's communion. But with pubic hair." --Jesus

    "Is this what the website has become? A depository of the most disgusting pictures you can find? My goodness. What the hell is wrong with you. I TOLD you I didn't want to see that picture, like a thousand times. Now, I'm going to the grave with a picture of some nutjob's horribly inflated scrotum in my brain. I'll never get into heaven now. NEVER." --Professor M. Balls

    "It is obvious to anyone who isn't a shriveled horse testicle that if they receive a letter signed by me, there is no need for me to also write in the manner of my unfortunate speech impediment." --Barbara Walters

    "By the way, you weren't invited to the party precisely because you're the sort of person who would eat a chocolate cake out of a bushbuck's stinky pussy after I'd fucked it. The cake, not the bushbuck. I hope I've made myself clear. No offense." --Anonymous

    "COME ON FOLKS. I DIED FOR YOUR SINS. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS DIG INTO YOUR POCKETS AND POCKETBOOKS AND SEE IF YOU CAN BREAK A FIVE DOLLAR BILL FOR ME. THANKS. THANKS FOR NOTHING. I GUARANTEE THAT IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, I WOULDN'T PISS ON YOU IF YOU WERE ON FIRE. DICKWEASELS." --Jesus Christ Almighty

    "Uh oh. Here comes the milk. *ssssppppiiiirrrrrtttttt*" --Lactating Womyn