Guess What’s in My Mouth Right Now

Remember when GWiMMRN had editions, like it was some news magazine or something?  Well, those days are back.

Guess what’s in my mouth, right now:

A)  The hot chocolate with lil’ chunks of prunes in it that I had before coming to work this morning.

B)  The intense urge to defecate afterwards, especialyl considering that I’m lactose intolerant, somewhat.

C)  The hot chocolate and prunes that slid out of my bunghole in the office bathroom, along with what I had for dinner last night, which was beans and cheese.

D)  The “no wonder you had the shits” you’re probably thinking right now.

E)  That one time in college I came back to my dorm collective bathroom and had to throw up something fierce at oh, around 2:30 a.m. and the guy in the stall next to me who was trying to convince me that having the shits like he had was much worse than throwing up because you’re drunk.

F)  That, to this day, I still don’t think he’s right.

G)  All the things I think but never do.

My Mouth is seeing double!  Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  Two big breasts.

B)  Two toungues for the price of one.

C)  Two tickets for a broadway show.

D)  Too old, too old to begin the training.

E)  Carpet fumes from two new carpets.

F)  Two big, fat cocks comin’ right at ya.

The following shipment of United Nations goodies to Myanmar, AKA BURMA, has recently entered my mouth.  Guess what’s in there right now:

A)  Fuck-me pumps for the hot chicks without food, water, or shelter in Myanmar.

B)  Crackers, really salty crackers.

C)  10,000 can-openers but no cans.

D)  A lifeboat with a hole in the bottom.

E)  Condoms.

F)  Souvenirs from the United Nations gift shop.

G)  One free ticket out of Myanmar scotch-taped to the underside of Ban Ki-moon’s cock. 

H)  A big, fat cyclone cock.

If you have a problem with my ball hairs getting caught in your teeth all the time, then I just don’t know what to tell you.

 Say it loud, and say it proud: I CAN I CAN I CAN focus.  GWiMMRN:

A)  Vigorous typing sounds.

B)  A warm, blue-sky-day that reminds you Spring is just around the corner.

C)  Bitter, bitter disappointment, followed closely by agonizing punishment.

D)  The truth about the UFOs.

E)  The play I had a chance to see but didn’t, and now I wish I had seen it when I had the chance, even though it probably would’ve kinda sucked and it was an expensive ticket.

F)  A big fat Spock cock.

PROPULSION is the name of the game.  PROPEL yourself into a new realm of FOCUSING by guessing wimmrn:

A) That guy in the next stall over at the movie theater restroom getting a blumpkin

B) Notes on shaving your own balls

C) A gallon of cucumber wine

D) Catt “Shitt” Sadler’s sadd little feelings of loneliness

E) A saucer of warm, slimy, pulpy gobs and strands

F) MADM: Mothers Against Drunk Masturbating

G) The house

H) The big, fat cock

UPDATE: The answer may now be I) A life-size replica of the robot from Lost in Space with a life-size anus filled with calf’s liver warmed to a perfect 98.6 degrees, available for only $24,500.00

I’ve taken some time to visit my favorite celebrities so that I can put things relating to them into my mouth.  Guess, you FUCKERS, which one or two they might be:

A) Brad Renfro’s chocolate starfish, filled with strawberry ice cream (the kind with real bits of strawberry in it that get all icy)

B) All the pills Heath Ledger didn’t eat

C) Scarrllett Johhannssssonn’s wedding cake topper, repurposed as Larry “Bud” Melman’s last butt plug

D) Britney Spears’s menses-stained tights:

E) A big, fat cock

A new version of my MOUTH is available!  PLEASE UPDATE NOW.

Then guess:

A) A question about your salary requirements

B) The shocking words: “Ssssssssssssssss… (this is the sound of me releasing my cunt-stink) … ssssssssssssssS”

C) The Case of the Damp Depends and Perennially Bitchy Demeanor

D) The chipped fingernail I found stuck in my balloon knot, if you know what I’m saying

E) The little red dot denoting that something’s recording

F) Ecology!

G) That strange girl who lived in that ramshackle house a few blocks away who let me “kiss it” in the broom closet after the “Up With People” meeting

H) The little red bump on that big, fat cock

Aloysius Snuffleupagus would be very proud if you would count to 10 before doing anything RASH.  By RASH, I mean not focusing.

GWiMMRN:

A)  The Final Countdown.

B)  Lunch, not Launch!

C)  My soft pendulums.

D)  Fun that can be had by all.

E)  I said big fat cock, not big fat cock!

I can see from a mile away that you are a pencil-pusher of the First-Order.  PUSH.  THE.  PENCIL.

And focus.

A)  One thing that has nothing to do with the other.

B)  My ride, freshly pimped.

C)  Incredibly unfunny snappy comebacks for any okasion.

D)  The bitterly cold wind that emits from ‘tween yo’ legs.

E)  A hat to keep the chill away.

F)  A big fat ___k.

Remember when GWiMMRN had editions, like they were special sections of a news magazine?  Well, those days are back.  Guess what’s in my mouth right now:

A)  War

B)  Peace

C)  A certain smugness for having finally finished reading War & Peace.

D)  A disturbing come-on by some dude.

E)  Pierre Bezhukov’s BIG. FAT. COCK.

You know what the survey says.  There’s more where that came from.  Guess:

A) A curette, with moist little shavings of fetus on the business end

B) An entire HOA meeting

C) My heart: signed, sealed, delivered, I’m YOURS!

D) Barack Obama’s latest load, spattered liberally across his wife’s pinched-mouthed face

E) Deoxyribonucleic Acid

F) Your boss.  You know, that piece of shit who BELITTLED you and made you feel SMALL just because he was in charge and YOU WEREN’T

G) A locket with a lovely picture inside

H) A big, fat crock

UPDATE: The lovely picture:

Good morning!  Let’s get to it, hm?  I know it’s Monday, but Guess Wi MMouth RightN!

A) The simple fact that some will die in hot pursuit while wibbling on my ashes

B) My year-long hiatus, during which NONE of you focused properly

C) A blast from the past: a nun‘s wimple, threadbare and tattered from its repurposing as a dental dam protecting me from the painfully tickling but oh so adorable ass hairs dancing along the chocolate starfish of Ann Althouse

D) Maternity leave

E) A nice plate of steak tartare with pommes frites

F) My man John “Loafpinchy” Wayne’s stomach cancer, all grown up and ready to go to its first day of school

G) A big, fat cocktail

I don’t have all day to wet-nurse you diaper-dandies.  Get with the focusin’.

A)  This unbelievably sick fuck who makes people glad that there’s such a thing as the death penalty.

B)  The deaf penalty.

C)  A send-up.

D)  That sinking feeling, ya know?  Like you’re on some sort of shit-sludge filled poopschute and you are inexorably and very quickly sliding down into a dank, dark foul smelling pit?  KnowhatImean, jelly bean?

E)  DEFCON5.

F)  The bloom on a rose.

G)  A big, fat weathercock.