Guess What’s in My Mouth Right Now

We live in a Culture of Curruption.

To escape, GWiMMRN:

A) Nancy Pelosi, that luscious eye-talian grandmother.
B) Curruption.
C) A strong desire for vending machine coffee.
D) A heaping second helping of shit-tastic apple cream pie a la mode.
E) Eeyore, that fucking stuffed donkey.
F) Beefcake a la mode.
G) Tara Reid a la mode.
H) A big fat $#@!.

There’snotimetoexplainjustGWiMMRN!

A) Half a peeled banana that fell into the sink and onto a cookie sheet that was soaking in a mixture of water and dishwashing liquid.
B) The admonishment expressed by my wife at my refusal to just “wash it off and eat it.”
C) The reasoning that we eat off of plates that have been washed in dishwashing liquid, so why not eat a peeled banana that was washed in dishwashing liquid.
D) Incredulity and a blank stare.
E) That my wife picked up the soapy banana, ran some water over it, and put it on the cutting board for later consuption.
F) My refusal to eat it, even though I was supposedly acting “unreasonably.”
G) A big fat soapy banana cock.

Spring forward into FOCUS. Don’t fall back into your old, non-FOCUSing ways.

GWiMM.

RN:

A) A sliced off cow’s udder repurposed as a condom for a midget
B) Regis Philbin *ssssspurrrrrtttt!*
C) All of the space-time continuum
D) John “Loafpinchy” Wayne’s red, abused poop-scheute
E)
F) Hot snow
G) Seventy-seven hot, fresh, apple pies, but not for the fat kid’s younger brother
H) Candy corn
I) A big, fat cock-a-leekie

Why can’t you just GROW UP? Huh? GROW UP.

It’s not that hard. First you GROW, then you go UP. How fucking simple is that?

GROW UP.

GROW UP.

My all-time bestest buddy in the whole wide world, Deroy Murdock, “Patron Saint” of GWiMMRN is all grown up, and he can toss a leprous chihuahua’s shit-smeared salad in under thirty minutes!

So GROW UP.

And while you’re doing all that GROWing UP, GWiMMRN:

A) An anonymous soapy handjob, begged for by an obviously lying African herbivore
B) Nail clippers with a crust of dried blood and pus on the blades, obviously used by someone very GROWn UP
C) A roasted prostate on a stick
D) That time where that chick who sucked like fifty guys off threw up all over the 51st, dousing him with stomach acid, bile, tequila, nacho remnants, and spooge
E) The kind of dull, obvious irony this entire post is supposed to represent
F) The 52nd guy, who later realized he wasn’t going to get blown and left in a huff
G) GROW your dirty ass the fuck UP
H) A big, fat, totally mature cock

MY PENIS PLAYS TO WIN.

MY PENIS HAS GREAT SYNERGY WITH YOUR WIFE’S CUNT.

UNLIKE YOUR PENIS, MY PENIS WILL NOT CUT AND RUN.

MY PENIS IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

MY PENIS WILL SET BENCHMARKS, BUT NOT A TIMETABLE, FOR ITS WITHDRAWL FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S MOANING MOUTH.

DOING ANAL WILL BE A GAME DAY DECISION AND ONE THAT WILL REST ENTIRELY ON MY PENIS.

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.

I’m in a better mood.

So we’re back to basics: guess what’s in my mouth right now.

Shitheads. Er, people.

A) A minty turkey on a BMW hood
B) Snot-blowin’s
C) A good old fisting, sans lubrication
D) Rough sex with a dead chimpanzee
E) Pine nuts
F) Walnuts
G) Chin nuts
H) My undying hatred
I) A big, fat cock

That’s all you want out of life, isn’t it? A big creamy ending.

ooo. The fucking implications.

GWiMMRN:

A) My raging libido.
B) Albie the Squirrel’s testicular cancer.
C) All those creamy things you shouldn’t talk about in public.
D) Conan, the Cimmerian, whose crown sets heavy on his muscular fucking head.
E) A shiver intended for YOU.
F) F you.
G) A big, fat cock’s creamy ending.

UPDATE: Go soak your head.

AHHH! Autumn! I just went for a nice walk through the park, the trees turning color, the air a little chilly and the world a little more beautiful.

And, of course, all I could think about was what was in my mouth at the time.

I still have those things in my mouth. It’s imperative that you guess what’s in there this fine autumn day:

A) A big, fat cock.
B) A big, fat cock.
C) A big, fat cock.
D) A big, fat cock.
E) Leaves.
F) A big, fat cock.
G) A big, fat cock.

My Love is conditional upon you guessing what’s in my mouth right now.

GWiMMRN:

A) The usher who seated us at the classical music concert who had so many puffy boils all over his head he looked like Pinhead, except with puffy fleshy boils at the end of the pins.
B) Angie Hollister’s Squeezeriffic Hamburger Juice.
C) Hello Kitty Meow-berry Pop-tarts.
D) Fun n’ *spurrrrt* games.
E) Deja vu.
F) Denny’s new Sperm N’ Eggs Breakfast Combo.
G) OOO! That Smell! That smell that SURROUNDS YOU.
H) A big fat cock festival.

Dentistry is artistry!

GWiMMRN:

A) An amalgam.
B) A steaming pile.
C) Some gap toothed S.O.B. smilin’ and grinnin’ like he’s not got a care in the world.
D) Excuses, excuses, excuses.
E) *FRP*
F) *BFC*

I hope it’s okay that I say, “Go fuck yourself.”

I’m sorry if I offended anyone.

Anyone, that is, except for those non-Focusing Bahstahn fuckwahds, that is.

Oh, never mind. Just Guess:

A) A hastily written hand-made sign hanging in someone’s pahking garage that says, “Welcome back, ASSHOLE.”
B) Some momentary confusion and then some anger.
C) The hair down there, not mine.
D) A crater where my filling used to be.
E) Crags.
F) Hags with shags.
G) An 8 second long belch.
H) A big fat cock.

UPDATE:

It hasn’t changed: I put things in my mouth, and you guess what they may be. Got it?

A) My penis…
B) My penis…
C) My penis…
D) MY PENIS!
E) Boston Baked Beans on on my penis
F) My penis on the T
G) Lobsters nibbling on my penis
H) Pahking my cah in Hahvihd Yahd with my penis inside
I) Something different: a big, fat my penis

UPDATE: MY PENIS

It’s back to basics. No goofy titles, no fake “editions,” none of that stuff. It’s just you, me, and What’s in My Mouth Right Now.

GWin there:

A) Battery acid.
B) thblhughggglth.
C) ibbllthigglththighaaal.
D) hugugghhhllthughghaaaalghuul.
E) ahuhghuulbighghaalfatghaalcock.

I can see that you’re starting to warm up to me. Well, cozy up to my sac and GWiMMRN:

A) A long day that just got longer.
B) An aborted attempt at coffee and a banana nut (sac) muffin at 7 a.m. today from the store down the street.
C) A Little Debbie Double Decker Oatmeal Creme Pie and some vending machine coffee at 7:15 a.m. this morning.
D) The squash and Fakin’ Chikin’ Patty that looked good together on paper, but failed in its dinner-time execution, palate-wise.
E) A combo of tastes that, like peanut butter and ketchup, are best enjoyed separate and at different times of the day.
F) Trust issues.
G) Issue issues.
H) Bean splatter fo-fana banana droopy hooptie boo.
I) I spy a big fat cock.

It’s a SAC, not a SACK. You put your balls in a SAC, and you use a SACK to stuff stuff in. Fucking moron. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.

Jesus.

Q.

Fucknuts.

GWiMMRn:

A) Christopher “Feces Nibbler” Columbus
B) The Knights of Columbus
C) That chick in that Christopher Columbus movie with the most amazing tits you’ve ever seen they’re like the fucking archetype of what tits should be
D) Gold
E) The fact that if it wasn’t for Christopher “Poop Licker” Columbus, we wouldn’t even be in this cunt-lapping society to begin with
F) Leif Erickson’s unending, injustice-fueled rage from beyond the grave
G) The reason why people went to the New World in the first place

Update:

*ssssssppppurrrttttttt!!!*