Archive for February, 2008

Feb 28 2008

GWiMMRN Is a Real Kick to the Gonads

Posted by: My Mouth in MOUNTAIN OF CRAP, Mouth Junior

*tttthhhTTTHHHWWWOOPPPPPP!*

*OOOOOOOO!* My gonads!

GWiMMRN:

A)  Beverly D’angelo’s old blonde pubes.

B)  Beeping from some unknown place, but somewhere nearby.

C)  The sudden cessation of the beeping.

D)  Crotch kick.

E)  High-pitched screaming and urinating all at the same time.

F)  More beeping, accompanied by a vibrating noise.

G)  A big fat cock kick.

UPDATE:  The answer may now be H) The entire run of McHale’s Navy, of which I watched every episode but can’t remember a single one of them in particular.

Comments 6 Comments »

Feb 21 2008

GWiMMRN, Mountain of Crap Edition

Posted by: My Mouth in GROW UP, MOUNTAIN OF CRAP

Folks, there’s no time like the present… toguesswhat’sinmymouthrightnow!  You know why, folks?  I’ll tell ya.  Because I’m forehead-deep in a Mountain of Crap.  That’s right.  There’s so much going on right now, I don’t even have time to chew watermellon bubilisious. 

So, get your toilet-paper Sherpas and climb the Mountain of Crap.  GWiMMRN:

A)  LOLA.

B)  Dimlah Tea that’s too hot to drink.

C)  The mistake of deciding to live with room-mates who are not your family and who feel like they own the joint and can do whatever the fuck they want.

D)  Colic!

E)  Martyrdom.

F)  My old job, re-purposed as a new one, like a shot-rag re-purposed as an ascot.

G)  More work than you can shake a stick at.

H)  The Big Fat Cock of Life.

Comments Comments Off

Feb 14 2008

MY PENIS IS ON THE MARCH

Posted by: El Capitan in CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY

MY PENIS HAS A PLAN FOR VICTORY.

MY PENIS BEATS THE PANTS OFF THE COMPETITION.

MY PENIS NEVER HAD A BAD DAY IN HIS LIFE.

EVERYBODY LOVES MY PENIS.

MY PENIS IS IN A MEETING WITH YOUR WIFE AND CANNOT TAKE YOUR CALL RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU MAY LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH MY BALLS.

ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO SUCK ON MY PENIS.

MY PENIS IS A CAPTAIN OF INDUSTRY.

Comments 1 Comment »

Feb 11 2008

GWiMMRN, Dirty Turds Edition

Posted by: My Mouth in Mouth Junior

I have acquired an offspring.  He is magnificent.  You will learn from him.  Guess what’s in his mouth right now:

A)  Little fingers.

B)  Diaper wipe residue.

C)  Buh-buh-buh-breastmilk.

D)  A Plan for Victory.

E)  The multi-billion-dollar baby industry’s BFC.

Comments 7 Comments »

Feb 03 2008

Superbowl Sunday Edition of GWiMMRN

Posted by: My Mouth in *ssssppppiiiirrrrrtttttt*, BIG FAT COCK, I can

GO TEAM!

WOO HOO!

Like anyone really should give a flying fuck.  What you should give a fuck about is what’s in my mouth right now:

A) A Superbowl party marred by a wife-beating after the home team bites the big one

B) A Superbowl party marred by someone’s ejaculate in the Lit’l Smokies

C) A Superbowl party marred by the pizza guy coming late because he ran over an old lady on the way to the house

D) A Superbowl party marred by a diaper full of yellow baby shit landing in the chips

E) A Superbowl party enlivened by a big, fat cock

Comments 2 Comments »

  • About Me


    I'm into cooking. Here's my recipe for Hot Dog Cake: 12 Hot dogs, thoroughly boiled. 1 lb. sugar. 14 Hand-made hot dog buns. 2 gallons of store-brand mustard. Mix half the sugar and all of the hot dogs together in a large mixing bowl. Beat off regularly until creamy. Then, for the icing, mix the mustard and the rest of the sugar until spoon can stand up straight in the bowl. Bake the hot dog mixture at 375 degrees F for 45 minutes. Place on a big rack. Let it cool until all the juices run down the big rack. Slather the "icing" on the cake. Make oblong slices of cake and place into the hand made hot dog buns. Eat. Puke. Repeat.

  • Statements of Approval


    "It's like the Drudge Report for mouths!" --Professor M. Balls

    "This website is relentless." --Anonymous

    "Grimace is everywhere hamburgers are made, slopping on his purply gunk where you least expect it." --Anonymous

    "yay, man-custard." --lola

    "Sss-ssss-stuh-stuh-stuh-sstop muh-mmm-muhhh-mak-making fuh-fuh-ffff-fun uh-uh-uh-of mmm-muh-mee. Y-yyy-yoou duh-duh-duhh-dick." --Muh-muh-muh-ham-ham-ham-ad-ad A-a-a-a-llll-li

    "I demand to be reunited with my penis! This is an OUTRAGE!" --Chaff, the Bouncy Foreskin

    "tweet tweet tweet" --All the little birdies eating the big pieces in your vomit

    "I am .....relieved ...that you are capable of ....various levels of communication. Impressive communication." --Michele ungh ungh ungh

    "If you think my SMILE is wrinkly, you should see my TWAT! Have you seen it? It's like Wrinkle City down there! TOUCHDOWN!!" --Kate Capshaw

    "*blorp* Shark! Shark!" --Gormless-looking Asian broad

    "My sphincter and colon are HEROES and will receive a Brown Star for their efforts." --My Mouth

    "Four score and seven what the hell is this on my FACE!?!" --"Honest Abe" Lincoln

    "STOP IT STOP IT I PREFER BUTTERSCOTCH ICE CREAM STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT" --Sheppy

    "I GOT YOUR LATE FEES RIGHT HEEEERRRE!!" *sppppuurrrtttt!* "BWAH HAH HA HAH HA HA HAAAA!" --Guy with His Dick in the Video Return Slot

    "Grow up." ... "Oh yeah. I forgot to add: go suck a dick. Sorry for leaving that out."--Deroy Murdock

    "I've seen ugly cunts in my time, but yours takes the CAKE, lady! Holy fuck! If I look at it any longer I'll turn to stone! It's like the Holocaust in there! Aaaaaaa!! I think I can help you." --Dr. Alter to a Potential Labia Majora Remodeling Patient

    "My ass crack demands an explanation for this heinous attack on my spongy person." *fffrrrpppttt* "Yes. I know. I'm dead and I'm farting. Big Deal. Get over it. GROW UP." --Dead Guy

    "I'm kind of disappointed that cats don't like to eat dog shit. The lack of reciprocity there is pretty hurtful, you know?" --A. Dog

    "I don't think you should share any of that delisious watermellon bubilisious (sic) with any of your friends. I really feel that way." --Anonymous

    "It's okay, Mr. Costner, it happens- hey! What are you doing? Let go of your penis RIGHT NOW! You stop tugging on it THIS MINUTE! Oh! Oh, LORD. Look at that MESS. :)..." --Horrified Masseuse

    "I think it was the blood in the ejaculate that crossed the line... I take that back. It was the 6 dollar chili cheese burger that did it. It's indescribably awful looking. It really does look like loose poop with some mustard on it." --Anonymous

    "I will show you [the foam rubber universe where no one ever gets hurt], but you have to suck the butterscotch ice cream out of my dick first. Think of it like it's communion. But with pubic hair." --Jesus

    "Is this what the website has become? A depository of the most disgusting pictures you can find? My goodness. What the hell is wrong with you. I TOLD you I didn't want to see that picture, like a thousand times. Now, I'm going to the grave with a picture of some nutjob's horribly inflated scrotum in my brain. I'll never get into heaven now. NEVER." --Professor M. Balls

    "It is obvious to anyone who isn't a shriveled horse testicle that if they receive a letter signed by me, there is no need for me to also write in the manner of my unfortunate speech impediment." --Barbara Walters

    "By the way, you weren't invited to the party precisely because you're the sort of person who would eat a chocolate cake out of a bushbuck's stinky pussy after I'd fucked it. The cake, not the bushbuck. I hope I've made myself clear. No offense." --Anonymous

    "COME ON FOLKS. I DIED FOR YOUR SINS. THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS DIG INTO YOUR POCKETS AND POCKETBOOKS AND SEE IF YOU CAN BREAK A FIVE DOLLAR BILL FOR ME. THANKS. THANKS FOR NOTHING. I GUARANTEE THAT IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, I WOULDN'T PISS ON YOU IF YOU WERE ON FIRE. DICKWEASELS." --Jesus Christ Almighty

    "Uh oh. Here comes the milk. *ssssppppiiiirrrrrtttttt*" --Lactating Womyn